Grief

Grief is something almost everyone experiences, yet very few people feel prepared for it. We tend to talk about grief quietly, awkwardly, or not at all. And when it arrives, it often feels overwhelming, confusing, and lonely. Grief matters because it is the emotional response to loss — and loss is inseparable from love, attachment, and meaning. We grieve because something or someone truly mattered to us.

Grief doesn’t only follow death. People grieve the end of relationships, fertility struggles, immigration losses, health changes, lost identities, or futures that never happened. These forms of grief are often invisible, but they can be just as painful.

There Is No “Right Way” to Grieve

Many people still believe grief follows clear stages or a predictable timeline. In reality, modern psychology has moved away from that idea. Grief does not unfold in a straight line, and it doesn’t come with deadlines. Some days feel manageable; others feel unbearable — even years later.

There is no universal “correct” response to loss. Some people cry often, others feel numb. Some want to talk constantly, others withdraw. Culture, personality, the nature of the loss, and past experiences all shape how grief shows up. If you don’t recognize yourself in how others grieve, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

One of the most harmful messages grieving people receive is the pressure to “move on.” Grief doesn’t disappear because enough time has passed. It changes, softens, and integrates — but it rarely vanishes completely.

Grief Comes in Waves, Not Stages

Grief often behaves like waves rather than steps. In the beginning, those waves can feel enormous and unpredictable, pulling you under without warning. Over time, the waves may come less frequently or feel more familiar — but they still arrive.

This doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means your brain and body are slowly adjusting to a reality that no longer includes what you lost. Our minds take time to learn that absence is permanent, especially when love was deeply wired into our daily life.

Triggers like anniversaries, songs, smells, or exhaustion can suddenly bring grief back to the surface. This is normal. Feeling okay one day and deeply sad the next doesn’t mean healing isn’t happening — it means healing is not linear.

You Don’t Have to Let Go to Heal

An older belief about grief suggested that healing required “letting go” of the person or thing lost. Newer grief research shows something different: maintaining a healthy connection can actually support healing.

Grief doesn’t mean love ends. Relationships don’t disappear — they change form. Many people find comfort in continuing bonds: talking to a loved one internally, keeping rituals, honoring memories, or carrying values forward. These connections aren’t signs of being stuck; they’re signs of love adapting.

Loss becomes part of who we are. The people we love shape us emotionally, psychologically, and even neurologically. That imprint doesn’t vanish. Healing means learning how to live with the loss, not erasing it.

Practical Ways to Care for Yourself While Grieving

Grief isn’t something to fix — it’s something to care for.

Allow your emotions without judging them. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or confusion can all coexist. There is no emotional hierarchy in grief.

Seek support that understands grief rather than tries to solve it. You don’t need advice or positivity — you need presence. Being witnessed in your pain can be deeply healing.

Take care of your body in simple ways. Grief is physically exhausting. Eating regularly, resting when possible, getting gentle movement, and spending time outdoors can help stabilize your nervous system.

Create personal rituals. Lighting a candle, writing, visiting meaningful places, or honoring anniversaries can help give grief somewhere to land.

Let joy exist alongside grief. Moments of laughter or calm do not mean you are forgetting. They give you strength to keep going.

Grief as an Expression of Love

Grief is not a weakness or a failure. It is the cost of loving deeply. The intensity of grief reflects the depth of connection. If we never loved, we wouldn’t grieve — but most of us would never choose that.

Grief changes us, but it doesn’t end us. Over time, the pain becomes less sharp. The love remains. And slowly, life grows around the loss.

You are not broken for grieving. You are human.