When Success Feels Like a Lie: Breaking Free from Impostor Syndrome
You’ve just landed your dream job, or completed a project you poured your heart into, and deep inside — instead of relief or pride — you hear a whisper: “They’re going to find out I don’t really belong here.” That voice is one side of what people call Impostor Syndrome. You feel like a fraud: that your success came from luck, or deception, or that you just fooled everyone. Even when the evidence is clear (the offers, the praise, the results), your mind balks at accepting it.
Why we fall for this trick
There’s nothing weak about feeling an impostor — it’s deeply human. Let me walk you through how it shows up and why.
You discount your own competence. One of the core traits of impostor thinking is that your mind refuses to internalize success. You might think, “Yes, I did well — but others are far more capable,” or “It was just luck this time.” In clinical terms, people with impostor feelings tend to “deny their competence” and attribute success to external factors, not to themselves.
Perfectionism and over-preparation. Because you feel you’re not good enough, you try to overcompensate. You spend extra hours, you check and re-check, you aim for perfect. But that is exhausting, and it doesn’t quell the self-doubt — it feeds it. A “super-heroism” style kicks in: always doing more to appear capable.
Fear of failure — and even fear of success. Strange as it sounds, you might sabotage yourself to avoid being “caught.” If you aim too high, or succeed too loudly, you fear the spotlight will expose you. This ambivalence can be crippling.
Cycle of self-doubt and relapse. You take on a task, you either over-prepare or procrastinate. Once done, you feel briefly okay — but then your mind says, “This time was a fluke,” and you enter the loop again. Because you never let success stick, the cycle restarts.
Cultural and contextual pressures. Impostor feelings are often stronger in environments where there’s high scrutiny, competition, or where you’re part of a group underrepresented (e.g. minorities, women in male-dominated spaces). You may feel extra pressure to prove yourself.
So it’s not about being “broken.” This is a psychological pattern that many high achievers and sensitive souls share. The question becomes: How can you live with that voice without letting it stop you?
Practical, deep solutions
Let’s move past just “positive affirmations” (which often feel hollow) and dig into practices that shift your relationship to self-doubt.
1. Psychological flexibility & willingness
Trying to force your mind to “be positive” often backfires — the mind counters with “Yeah, but…”
Instead, focus on how you relate to those thoughts. When the voice says, “You don’t belong,” practice willingness — allowing the discomfort rather than fleeing from it. Observe the thought, treat it as mental noise, and ask: Does engaging with this thought move me toward what I value, or stop me? Use your values (like impact, connection, growth) as a compass. Even if the doubt is there, you can act.
2. Re-author your inner narrative with “earned credits”
Make a habit of listing concrete, verifiable evidence of your successes. But don’t let your mind sabotage it with “yes, but.” Instead, fight fire with specificity. For instance: “I led this project, I solved that problem, clients told me this feedback.” Revisit this list when doubt strikes. Over time, your mind will get used to being challenged.
3. Share, confess, normalize
One of the strongest remedies is talking — with mentors, peers, or safe circles. When you voice your imposter feelings, they lose power. Often, you’ll hear others echo versions of the same thoughts. That reminder that you’re not alone weakens the illusion.
4. Experiment with small actions despite the fear
Don’t wait until you feel totally confident. Pick a small project or action you feel uneasy about, commit to it, and do it anyway. Over time, doing the brave thing when your mind protests becomes its own proof to you: you can act, even with doubt.
Final thoughts (and caveat)
Impostor Syndrome doesn’t vanish overnight. You’ll slip, doubt will creep back, the internal voice will groan. But you can shift the relationship: from believing it entirely to listening to it and then choosing to move.